Love for a Boy

I took my son to see a movie tonight. It's Friday. It's been a long week - up early to summer school every day. Mars is 4 - almost 5 - and he is mildly autistic. PDD-NOS they call it, but no one knows what that is. To be true, no one really knows much about autism either. Mars is about the most fascinating and beautiful thing I've ever been close to - he is wild and strong and fierce and he is tender and wise and kind and full of laughter. He goes to a therapeutic preschool class that is, thankfully, very structured and full of amazing adults that understand him and love him totally. But by Friday, it's a long week. Nonetheless, tonight we went to a movie which started at 7:05 - 55 minutes before his usual bedtime. About halfway through the movie, he began to wilt. He was standing on the floor in front of me in my seat. He turned his big jughead towards me in the faint light of the projection and said, "Mommy, I'm very tired." He held his arms out and asked to sit on my lap. I scooped him up and he nestled his head just junder my chin - his breath hitting my chest in its unique rhythm - my hand firmly around his ribcage. We began to breathe in sync and I could feel him totally relax. I was overwhelmed with how much I love this little boy and I just whispered to him, "I love you, I love you, I love you." In his sleepy little voice, I heard him whisper back, "I love you, I love you, I love you." I felt a tear begin to stream down my cheek - It fell on Mars' head and travelled down his ear and then dropped on my hand. What grace is this that I am allowed such a pure experience of love in this world?

There is no greater art than holding this little boy a little tighter--this moment one of the most beautiful I've ever known.

-p